Cool Fireworks funny pics and jokes
Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Fireworks are like a good cereal, they go "Snap, Crackle, Pop".
Chinese man to American man:
"You are not us clever as us. We discovered gunpowder and used it for fireworks. You used it in guns."
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! Wow, what did you do with them ?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
One year, Johnny’s family was having an “extended family”
4th of July cookout at their home. One of the special treats
that year was lighting the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle
rockets, etc.) they had bought out of
state (they’re illegal in their area, of course!).
Just before they were to arrive, a cousin called, saying his
neighbors’ plans had just fallen through and asking if he
bring them along to the picnic — they even had extra food
to bring. “Sure, the more the merrier!”
When the cousin arrived with his neighbors, it was
discovered that the head of that family was a police
officer. Johnny’s father turned as innocently as he could to
his son and whispered to him to grab the paper bag of
fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere
quickly. Johnny disappeared, and the father changed the
topic to food for the day. This family had brought some
chicken to grill, so the father told them the gas grill was
all set to use out back — they just had to turn on the gas
and push the ignition button with the lid still closed.
They headed out to the back as Johnny returned through the
front door. The father hurried to him and said, “Whew, that
was close! That man’s a police officer, and he almost saw
the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?”
“Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill!”
Hillary went into a
pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. "Does this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he does," the manager told her. "But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?" she asked. "Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whorehouse, and his language is terrible."
"Well, I want him," she said. "Suit yourself," the manager shrugged. When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful
parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye, and said, "New house, new madam." Hillary laughed.
Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. "New house, new whores," the
parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the
bird's history, they too, laughed at him.
A few minutes later, the president entered the
parrot looked up from his feeder and said, "Hi, Bill."
Clinton walks out into his garden one day and in the snow he says
bastard written in piss. He is so outraged he goes into the oval
office and calls the CIA and FBI to tell them to find out who did this horrible thing to his
So they go out and investigate and when they return they say "Well Bill, we've got bad news and we've got worse news, which one would you like to hear first?"
And Bill says, "What's the bad news?" The agent replies, "It was Al Gore." Aghast Bill yells,
"That dirty no good son of a bitch!!!!! What's the worse
news?" So the agent says, "It was Hillary's handwriting..."
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the
physician that her
husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her,
"Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The
Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think
lawyers come from?"
Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody’s perfect. I’m a Nobody.
wife said “If you go hunting or fishing one more
time I’m going to leave you” …I’m sure going to miss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
One day, there was this
lawyer who had just bought a new
car, and he was eager to show it off to his
colleagues , when all of a sudden an
eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side
door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a
mechanic tried to repair it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a cop came by, and the
lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY
JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a
aren't you?" asked the
policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my
lawyer asked. "HA! Your
lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions.
I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The
lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY
online can open the
help yourself to
hosting online via
problem list that
many talk to him for
about fox and
boys goto this
news daily info and
food the proof is
jake goes to the drug store
to buy some
protection he know is will cost
he must do it
tom if he wants some
the bear is looking for
food but dont feed it.
The best place on the
web is called
A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.
His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."
Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.
After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?"
"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..."
who like days off
doctors in the
people sometimes for
money and other times for
lighting is needed by
nurses to view
the best forum for this
is the monster forum online
the better way to make
money is to earn it
PUNS and JOKES
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Q. How many fireworks techs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the lightbulb, one to say fire in the hole.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?