Cool Fireworks videos | Funny Fireworks
A redneck was getting in his truck and a trooper pulled up and asked him, if he had a hunting license for this state. The redneck showed him the license, and the trooper was satisfied. But, the trooper saw another duck, and he sniffed its butt and said "This is a Kansas duck, do you have a Kansas hunting license?".
The redneck pulled out his Kansas license, and the trooper was happy. Then he saw a third
duck , and sniffed its butt, and said "This is an Arkansas duck. Do you have an Arkansas hunting license?"
Sure enough the redneck pulled out his Arkansas license , and the trooper , said ok. Then he saw a fourth duck , and sniffed its butt and said "This is a Kentucky duck. Do you have a Kentucky Hunting license?" and the redneck pulled out his Kentucky Hunting License.
The trooper couldn't believe the redneck had shot this many ducks from all these different states and said, "Boy, where are you from, exactly?" The redneck pulled down his pants and said "Why don't you just sniff my butt and see!"
A lawyer , a doctor , and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas . They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water , so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?"
The lawyer explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the doctor explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.
Finally the redneck appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"
"Well," said the redneck , "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window ."
How to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer :
10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Bubba". 4. There's a
gun rack mounted on the CPU . 3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is camouflaged. AND the number one way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is... 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
CAPTAIN TO SERGEANT: Tomorrow there will be a sun eclipse , so I have resolved that the company will be at the drill field in campaign uniform, where I will give explanations about the phenomenon, which does not happens every day. If it rains, though, the company will remain in quarters.
SERGEANT TO CORPORAL: By orders of our captain , there will be a sun eclipse tomorrow in campaign uniform . The whole company must be present at the drill field, where our captain will give explanations about the phenomenon inside the quarters, which doesn't happen every day if it rains.
CORPORAL TO PRIVATES: Tomorrow, there'll be a sun eclipse, which will give the necessary explanations about our captain . The phenomenon will go out in campaign uniform to the drill field, except if it rains in the quarters, which doesn't happen every day.
PRIVATE TO RECRUIT: We'll go out tomorrow to a campaign in a sun eclipse that our captain's phenomenon fixed up to rain uniforms in the drill field. If it rains, though, the company will give explanations in quarters, which doesn't happen every day.
RECRUIT TO FAMILY: Tomorrow will rain a sun eclipse in quarters, which our captain gave the company so the drill phenomenon will go to the uniform campaign. If it rains in the uniforms, which doesn't happen every day, we'll have to take the eclipse inside quarters.
A man walks into the front door of a bar . He is obviously drunk and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drink and that he could not be served additional liquor. The bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down from the bar stool, and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and - still politely if not more firmly - refuses service to the man and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar . He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is drunk and will be served no drinks. He then tells him that he can either call a cab or the police immediately.
drunklooks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish cries, "Man! How many bars do you work at?"